Something to add?

Email tdogood@hotmail.com with contributions or comment in the Suggestion Box. Anonymity guaranteed.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

JUST IN: SYNOD FIRES RUBLE, APPOINTS XXX PRESIDENT

4/1/2010 :: Due West, SC

Citing Ecclesiastical law as well as Christian necessity, Synod voted via email to remove Dr. Randy Ruble as president of Erskine College and Seminary, and appointed Mr. XXX XXX (redacted) as the interim president. This action comes as the fate of the interim board hangs on the word of a South Carolina judge. While his decision is expected early next week, Synod believed action was needed quickly to rectify the “culture of intimidation” that oppressed students so heavily at the college.

“The Jews were lost in the desert for forty years,” explained Mr. YYY(redacted), moderator of the ARP Synod. “God did not abandon them. Would it be Christian for Synod to abandon our sons and daughters to the religious desert called ‘Erskine?’”

The move did not go unnoticed. A Facebook group dedicated to Alumni in support of Erskine lit up at the move, with comments ranging from “We’ll see you in court” to “This is war.”

XXX XXX (redacted) defended Synod’s actions. “I did not want to be president, but Synod forced it upon me. I will relinquish this position as soon as someone more favorable is found.” When asked about accusations that XXX promoted himself for the position, he dismissed such statements as unchristian distortions of the truth. “I mentioned to a few people that I might be good for the position, but it was nothing serious. Who else could they pick besides me?” He went on to describe his actions as “not in the least bit a conflict of interest” because “Erskine’s interests are not in conflict with my interests.”

An online newsletter by a former ARP minister lauded the action with the headline, “It’s About Time You Listened to Me!” The minister went on to describe the college as “fundamentally broken” and “hopelessly antithetical to anything Christ would admire. … Synod owns Erskine like a mother owns her unborn child, so obviously we had the power to do this.” One party to the lawsuit was quick to quip, “Abort it!”

With two new lawsuits pending and one already argued before a judge, only time will tell if Synod succeeds in their replacement. For now, students found their way to class as usual and life in this quiet Southern town continued just as it always has.

[More on the Index-Journal Website tonight]

No comments:

Post a Comment